Enter The Sandman
Growing up, there were two men in my life that I considered the “Sandman” and they couldn’t have been more different from one another. The first one was reserved, businesslike, and received consistent praise for his work on his way to becoming the only unanimous selection to the Baseball Hall of Fame. On the other side of the spectrum is a man with a huge personality, who has been front and center in our lives for a quarter of a century, and whose work does receive awards, but not always the good kind, as his eleven Golden Raspberry Award nominations can attest too. While he may not be as consistently great as Mariano Rivera, Adam Sandler has been a larger than life Hollywood presence my entire life, and with that in mind, I thought it was time to give my rankings of the best (and worst) movies of his career.
*Please note, this is only a ranking of comedy movies Sandler has put out throughout his career, not dramas. So while “Uncut Gems”, “Punch Drunk Love”, “Spanglish”, and “The Meyerowitz Stories” are amongst his best performances, Sandler’s career has been built on making people laugh, so those are the movies I will be ranking below.
Bottom-Five
5. “Don’t Mess With the Zohan,” 2008: Let’s start with the most controversial inclusion in my bottom-five, Zohan. It’s not that I don’t think this movie is funny; it certainly has its moments, between “fizzy bubbly,” the “pee-pee touch banter,” the salon scenes, and Rob Schneider and John Turturro throwing on their best accents to make this movie work. Plus, it has Emmanuelle Chriqui in one of her only movie roles, which is a major plus. I just think that overall, Zohan is not nearly as funny as people make it out to be (and at times is downright offensive towards Middle-Eastern ethnicities) which is why it appears in my bottom-five as Sandler’s most overrated comedy.
4. “Bedtime Stories” 2008: When I saw this movie on-demand for the first time, to be honest, I thought it was funny. Looking back now, this movie is hot garbage, and I want to go and punch twelve-year-old Chase in the face for laughing. The plot itself is incredibly unbelievable, with anything that Sandler and his niece/nephew telling in a bedtime story happening in real life. Rather than trying to help people, Sandler’s Skeeter tries to manipulate the stories so he can get a promotion, the hot girl, and a new car. Along the way, it rains gumballs, Sandler mumbles through a speech after his tongue gets stung by a bee, and he nearly dies by getting set on fire. When Russell Brand is the biggest (and possibly only) positive of a comedy film for children, you know you’re in trouble.
3. “Pixels” 2015: This is a prime example of good-idea, poor-execution. The cast is solid around Sandler, with Kevin James, Peter Dinklage, Michelle Monaghan, Brian Cox, and Josh Gad appearing in the film. Even by Sandler standards, the plot is at least unique, with Sandler playing a video-game expert who must save the world when aliens attack Earth posed as various characters, including Donkey Kong and Pac-Man. But from there, the movie falls flat, with bright lights and sounds, but not many laughs. So few, I think I laughed maybe five times over 104-minute run-time, and that’s despite the plethora of cheap 80s references that usually make me crack up. Credit to Toru Iwatani, the founder of Pac-Man, who let an actor play him rather than taking part in this movie; at least he saved himself the horror of having Pac-Man bite his hand off.
2. “The Ridiculous 6” 2015: A spoof of western movies, read this excerpt from this movie’s Wikipedia page, and tell me how it could have been anything but terrible.
During his journey, Tommy (Sandler) discovers that he has 5 half-brothers: Mexican burro rider Ramon (Rob Schneider) whose innkeeper mother had a fling with Frank; mentally challenged yet happy-go-lucky Lil’ Pete (Taylor Lautner) whose strong neck makes him immune to hanging; feral mountain-man Herm (Jorge Garcia) who speaks incomprehensibly and helped his mother sell their moonshine; Drunkard, Danny (Luke Wilson), the former bodyguard of Abraham Lincoln (Dan Patrick) who is guilt-ridden from accidentally leading John Wilkes Booth (Chris Kattan) to murder the president; and African-American saloon pianist Chico (Terry Crews) who confesses to being half-White.
If this remarkably offensive, terrible plotline doesn’t reveal how bad the movie is, watch it yourself, and I promise, you will struggle just as much as I did to get through more than the first half-hour. The next time you watch a drama on Netflix and think how good it is, just remember they gave Sandler a massive, multi-movie to put out crap like this.
1. “Jack and Jill” 2011: What’s worse than one bad Adam Sandler performance? Two bad Adam Sandler performances! The recipient of a record twelve Razzie-nominations, this film has Sandler playing Jack, a successful ad executive who is irritated about the pending arrival of his twin sister, Jill, played by… you guessed it, Adam Sandler! Listening to Jill is genuinely infuriating, and we get not one, but two of Sandler’s worst performances, all in one movie. How they ever convinced Al Pacino to start in this movie is beyond me, as for every great Oscar-nominated performance he has given, they are almost all canceled out at the thought of Pacino rapping for a Dunkin Doughnuts “Dunkaccino” commercial. This movie has a 3% rating on Rotten Tomatoes for a reason and is in the discussion for the worst movie of all-time. I’d say go watch the film if you don’t believe how bad it is, but I don’t wish to take 91 minutes of your life to watch this upon even my worst enemies.
Top-Ten Honorable Mentions
“Eight Crazy Nights” 2002: For any Jewish kid growing up in the 2000s, this movie holds a special place in our hearts. Plus, it gave us version three of the Hanukkah Song, a killer soundtrack, Whitey Duvall, and a whole new mindset when it comes to a “technical foul.”
“I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” 2007: Sandler’s only semi-political film, this packs a fantastic message of inclusion that was honestly made before its time. The Ving Rhymes singing in the shower scene is hilarious, and anytime I can see Dan Akyroyd on the screen, count me in
“Grown Ups” 2010: Objectively not a great movie, but seeing Sandler, Spade, Schneider, Chris Rock, and Kevin James on the screen together makes this movie a fun watch every single time. You can see how much fun the cast had making this movie. This was (sadly) my first real experience with Colin Quinn, a comedic genius in his own right, which moves it up a few notches in my book.
“Funny People” 2009: This is an honorable mention for one reason, the cameo scene with Eminem. If you haven’t seen it yet, I suggest you stop reading this and Google it immediately. You’re welcome.
“The Wedding Singer” 1998: If you like the 80s, this is for you, with great music, a Billy Idol cameo, a Boy George knockoff, and the original Drew Barrymore and Sandler collaboration.
“Airheads” 1994: One of Sandler’s first movies and starring roles, this makes the honorable mention list for that exact reason. Small supporting roles by Judd Nelson, Ernie Hudson, Chris Farley, and David Arquette provide laughs, and the movie asks a great question at its core: can the Lone Ranger be pluralized?
The Top Ten
10. “Click” 2006: A lot of people penalize this movie because it’s more serious, but that’s why I think it belongs on the list. It tells a story of appreciating what you have, and not longing for what you don’t, and along the way packs plenty of laughs as Sandler’s Michael fast-forwards through his life. Henry Winkler and David Hasselhoff shine in their small roles, but the real start of the movie is Christopher Walken as Morty, The Angel of Death, who is always there with a sly remark as Michael begins to learn there is no better time than the present.
9. “The Waterboy” 1998: I get if you don’t want to watch Sandler stutter his way through a movie, but Bobby Boucher packs as many laughs as he does hits on the football field. Kathy Bates is incredible as Sandler’s overprotective, southern mother, who thinks that everyone/thing is the Devil, and every time I hear someone ask for a Gatorade, I still think of the water/Gatorade debate this movie inspired. You’ll always remember that what Mama says goes after watching this, but most importantly, this movie was the first appearance of Rob Schneider’s “You can do it” line.
8. “The Longest Yard” 2005: I get people’s skepticism over remakes when the original thing was pretty good in its own right, but watching Sandler’s Paul “Wrecking” Crew lead a group of inmates in a football game against the guards that keep watch over them is entertaining throughout. Chris Rock is great as Caretaker, the de-facto GM of the team, and Burt Reynolds is smartly brought in to serve as a connection to the original film. Where this film thrives is how it seamlessly brings together its hodge-podge cast into one group, ranging from rappers (Nelly) football players (Michael Irvin), and pro wrestlers (Goldberg, The Great Khalil, and Steve Austin.) Plus, who can forget Brucie’s popcorn hands, or Cheeseburger Eddie’s “Shakes that will make you quake!”
7. “That’s My Boy” 2012: Before you attack me for including a movie in my top-ten that is widely regarded by critics to be amongst the worst movies ever made, all I ask is that you give it a chance yourself. Not every joke hits (hell, the movie is based around the relationship between Sandler and his son born out of an affair with his teacher), but between cameo appearances by Rex Ryan, Todd Bridges, and Vanilla Ice, a Tattoo of Tattoo and New Kids on the Block, a bachelor party for the ages, an angry priest, a terrifying sibling relationship, and Andy Samberg serving as the perfect, low-key comedic foil to Sandler, this movie will have you laughing throughout.
6. “50 First Dates” 2004: The quintessential Sandler rom-com, the reason I have this so high on my list is the fact that you cannot watch this movie and not feel good about yourself, or the world. Seeing Sandler’s Henry make Drew Barrymore’s Lucy fall in love with him day after day due to her memory loss is not only beautiful, but also funny thanks to Henry’s creativity in doing so. Sandler and Barrymore’s on-screen chemistry is off the charts, and this is the movie that introduced me to spam, “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” by the Beach Boys, and how absolutely cool it would be to be able to hang with a group of walruses. Seeing Sean Aston transform into a roided out meathead having wet dreams as an adult is worth the price of admission.
5. “Anger Management” 2003: If you thought Sandler and Jack Nicholson would be anything other than comedic gold, you are sadly mistaken. Sandler plays his part as closeted angry-man David, while Nicholson plays his deranged therapist Buddy perfectly, torturing Sandler throughout to see the error of his ways. The biggest laugh comes during a visit to a Buddhist monetary, but David’s anger group of John Turturro, Luis Guzman, and January Jones provide laughs throughout, Woody Harrelson is great as a German transvestite prostitute, and Marisa Tomei is her usual lovable self. Bonus points for filming a scene in Yankee Stadium, and including Roger Clemens, Derek Jeter, and the late Bob Sheppard in the film.
4. “Mr. Deeds” 2002: The movie that introduced me to David Bowie and Major Tom, Sandler’s Longfellow Deeds is the perfect fish out of water character, coming from Mandrake Falls to the bright lights of NYC. The bit characters in this movie are so much of what it makes it great (Steve Buscemi as Crazy Eyes, JB Smoove as Reuben, Peter Dante as Murph) but it is Turturro who makes the movie, stealing every scene he’s in as the as the sock-obsessed butler Emilio who eventually inherits billions of dollars for his troubles. While not laugh out loud funny, this film will make you smile throughout thanks to its Hallmark rhymes, echoes, discussions about what we wanted to be when we grow up, and Hawaiian punch fountains, and the cameo for the ages by John McEnroe.
3. “Billy Madison” 1995: Sandler at his absolute childish best, this is the movie that put him on the map, and for good reason. Every single casting decision in this movie was spot-on, from Sandler as the immature star, Bradley Whitford’s douche bag Eric, Bridgette Wilson’s Veronica Vaughn, (who is still the hottest teacher ever), and even Norm McDonald as Billy’s stoner best friend. Between penguins, nudie magazines, stolen school lunches, making Miles Davis cool again, and the use of songs as humor, Billy Madison set the tone for Sandler’s brand of comedy, letting the world see the bankable movie-star he could become/ After watching this movie, I can guarantee three things; you’ll always want to go out and find a missing dog, Odoyle will always rule, and you’ll never think about business ethics the same way, and if you do, you will be awarded zero points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
2. “Happy Gilmore” 1996: I still don’t golf to this day, but if I did, the only pointers I’d need are from Carl Weathers’ Chub Peterson; it’s all in the hips, and just tap it in. Happy Gilmore is filled with laughs, with Sandler’s lovable loser Happy setting the tone early by kicking the crap out of a hockey coach, and telling his girlfriend her students’ finger-painting sucks. Once Happy realizes he can drive a golf ball over the moon, the movie gets going thanks to Sandler’s portrayal of Happy filled with over the top antics, and a wicked temper. Chubs Peterson and Shooter McGavin round out an incredible trifecta of characters as Happy’s mentor and archival on the tour, helping to further Happy’s character arc from a goon hockey player into a professional golfer. Along the way we get alligator fights, Bob Barker fights, fights against a mini-golf course, and if there are two things you should take away from this movie, it this: you will not make that put, jackass, and if you complain, your back is going to hurt because you have landscaping duty.
1. “Big Daddy” 1999: In a lot of ways, this is what I consider to be Sandler’s coming of age film, and in my opinion, his best work. As Sonny Koufax, Sandler shows off his emotional range as a slacker who later grows to care for and attempt to adopt a young boy, Julian, who is dropped on his doorstep. Though this movie isn’t funny in the traditional Sandler sense, it has plenty of memorable scenes, including peeing on buildings, wiping one’s own ass, Scuba Steve, watching the god damn Jets, tripping skaters, a failed attempt to get a McDonald breakfast, more Hooters jokes than you could possibly need in your life, and a court scene that teaches us that Styx is the greatest band ever. With early appearances by Leslie Mann and John Stewart, Big Daddy is the first Sandler movie with any real emotional stakes, and you can see Sandler’s anguish over losing Julian towards the end of the film. It’s refreshing to see Sandler try something new, and not rely on gags and childish humor to engage an audience. Put together a great story, cast, and soundtrack (“Growin Up” by Bruce Springsteen and “When I Grow Up” by Garbage are highlights) and you have all the makings of a movie you can watch over and over again.
